I want to thank the editor for giving me another chance to work here. It is my dream to be a journalist.
My first story didn't pan out.* For my second story, I went undercover to an orgy and hired a photographer who only took pictures of people's feet. Now I cannot contact him.
I am not in the mood to make sexy glances this month. I will have to try again next time.
A scientific study recently found that lonely people who looked at porn and masturbated were completely normal. Most were rated at above average intelligence and 'very good looking'. Dr. Cynthia Parkinates of the Weilessen Collson corporation said that her test subject number five was particularly handsome. "If only I could pry him away from the test material, I could think of some 'special research' to do, if you know what I mean."
Next month we're going to get back to doing what we do best, which is trying to figure out what we do that is what we do best.
We usually don't even have what we say we are going to have for next month, but it's something to shoot for anyway.
Wank
It would not be masturbation without 'u'. -- .ed
The editor regrets to announce that he has been forced to accept the resignation of sex writer, Salvador Norris Horne.